I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
