She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize