I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
