ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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