I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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