just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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