Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
