don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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