Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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