The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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