Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
