Your dad touched me again.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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