I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
