would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
