Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
