sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
