i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
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Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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