Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
