so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
