I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
