Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
