I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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