Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
