I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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