People with herpes should wear stickers.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
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Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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