fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
