I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
