I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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