i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You are the jesus of drinking
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
