The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
