I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
