We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
