can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You can't motorboat a personality
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
