oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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