I met the friendliest cop last night
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
