at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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