my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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