So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
