Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
These tits shall not be calmed
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
