forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
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It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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