Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
