So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
