Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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