Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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