ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
