He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I still have a little drunk in my system
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
