You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Everclear isn't food dammit
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
