so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
