I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i've created a new STD.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
not ubering you a puppy
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
