worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
