After last night, I could never be a politician.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
