We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
