Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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