barbara walters just said penis...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
