He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
