I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
