I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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