Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
