i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You may now shotgun with the bride
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
