Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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