if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
3 2 1 whiskey
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize