i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize