Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
