I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
