I like to think it a success when the cops are called
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
im holly from the hills drunk
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
