Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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