He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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