I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
