help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I party with great urgency now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
