my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
