Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
