Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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