the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
