i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize