she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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